ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
