I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
