That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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