Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You are a genius and a whore.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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