I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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