worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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