I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
