I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize