I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
