I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
