youre lurking in front of me
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My cat gives me a boner
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
