The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
