YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
