Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
