Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
