i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
