Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she looked like the before picture.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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