I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
