Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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