guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
