You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
