I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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