Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
