oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
