I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm like, not good at living.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
