yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
