Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
