i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
