just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize