He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
