Where are you?
In a non slutty way
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
