Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
