I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
