So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Alive.
So much puke
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
