I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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