I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
