guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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