I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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