every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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