i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Come see our sink grown plant.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
