im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
