Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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