Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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