his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
