He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
