i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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