I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
