We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
