I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
