Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
