I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
