I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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