I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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