Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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