If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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