and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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