I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
