I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
