yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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