She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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