We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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