This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
