guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
How's work?
Spinning.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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