I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
